事工 or 苦毒？放弃 or 坚持？——在罪前徘徊 / Ministry or Bitterness? Give Up or Keep Going?

一，国内的那几年时光：热心，更多的热心  

1. The Years in China: Zeal, and More Zeal

上百部手机，上百个微信号，还有五六台笔记本，两三个台式机。

There were more than one hundred phones, more than one hundred WeChat accounts, five or six laptops, and two or three desktop computers.

那时有房，有车，也有一点存款，所以整天就是加人、发福音、写文字、录福音短视频，整理主内书库和属灵资源库。

At that time, we had a house, a car, and some savings, so I spent most of my days adding people, sharing the gospel, writing articles, making short gospel videos, and organizing Christian books and spiritual resources.

纸质的，电子的，能整理的整理，能发出去的就发出去。

Some were printed books, and some were digital files.

I organized what I could, and I shared what I could.

那时候想得其实很简单。

My thinking was very simple at that time.

既然自己信了主，也知道有这么多好的属灵资源，那就尽量让更多的人看到。

Since I believed in the Lord and knew there were many good Christian resources, I wanted more people to see them.

能多发一个人，就多发一个人。

If I could share with one more person, I would share with one more person.

能多帮助一个肢体，就多帮助一个肢体。

If I could help one more brother or sister, I would help one more brother or sister.

后来，直到有一天，被上门了。
Later, one day, the police came to our home.

从那以后，事情很快就变了。
After that, things changed very quickly.

房子只能半价处理，车子也只卖到大约三分之一的价钱，很多原本拥有的东西，最后几乎都变成了逃离时的“买路钱”。
The house had to be sold for about half its value, and the car for about one-third. Many things we once owned almost became money we needed in order to leave.

之后，我们仓皇辗转了大约两个月，最后才找到一个可以暂时落脚的地方。
After that, we moved from place to place in a hurry for about two months before we finally found somewhere we could stay.

回头看，那几年当然有很多不成熟，也有很多凭着血气和热心做的事情。
Looking back, I know I was not mature in many ways. I also did many things mainly out of human passion and zeal.

但至少那个时候，我很少问：
But at least at that time, I rarely asked:

我做这些，到底能得到什么？
What can I get from doing all this?

更多的时候，我只是想：
Most of the time, I only thought:

还能不能再多做一点？
Can I do a little more?

二，国外三年的时光：放弃 or 坚持？

2. Three Years Abroad: Give Up or Keep Going?

出来以后，其实算是什么都没有了。

After we left China, we almost had nothing.

但热心还在。

But the zeal was still there.

所以，国内做的事情，又继续做了下去。

So I continued the same work I had done in China.

这几年，又进一步整理和完善了几十个主内书库和属灵资源库网站。

During these years, I continued to build and improve dozens of Christian book and spiritual resource websites.

几十万本主内电子书，上百万份属灵资料。

There are hundreds of thousands of Christian e-books and more than one million spiritual resource files.

但代价也越来越明显。

But the cost became more and more clear.

两三年睡眠不足，很多时候每天只能睡四五个小时。

For two or three years, I did not get enough sleep.

Many days, I slept only four or five hours.

设备也和以前完全不同了。

The equipment was also very different from before.

东捡西凑，五个手机，很多还是2017年前后的。

I collected what I could and ended up with five phones.

Many of them were from around 2017.

一百多元买了一个旧台式电脑。

I bought an old desktop computer for a little more than one hundred yuan.

又一百多元买了一个旧笔记本。

I bought an old laptop for a little more than one hundred yuan too.

打扫卫生的时候，还捡回来两台笔记本，好像是2012年前后的。

While doing cleaning work, I also picked up two old laptops.

They seemed to be from around 2012.

这些其实都没有关系。

These things were not the biggest problem.

慢一点，可以等。

If they were slow, I could wait.

死机了，可以重启。

If they froze, I could restart them.

一个设备不够，就想办法让一台电脑、一部手机、一个平板登录两三个、三五个微信或QQ号。

If one device was not enough, I tried to use one computer, one phone, or one tablet for several WeChat or QQ accounts.

真正占时间的，是每天的信息。

The real problem was the daily messages.

回复信息。

Replying to messages.

帮助弟兄姊妹找书。

Helping brothers and sisters find books.

寻找讲道。

Finding sermons.

找属灵资源。

Finding spiritual resources.

回答一些信仰上的问题。

Answering some questions about faith.

很多时候，一天就是几个小时。

Many days, this took several hours.

另外还有一个很现实的问题：

There was also one very practical problem:

总得活下去。

We still had to live.

不说养家，不说孩子，总得一个月挣一点钱养自己吧？

Even if I did not talk about supporting the whole family or the children, I still needed to earn some money every month for basic living.

还有几十个网站的域名、服务器和其他费用。

There were also domain fees, server fees, and other costs for many websites.

但这份网络事工占去了大部分时间。

But this online ministry took most of my time.

所以只能从剩下的时间里挤一点出来，做做清洁工，做做仓库工，跑跑快递，送送外卖。

So I could only use the remaining time to do cleaning work, warehouse work, delivery work, or food delivery.

慢慢地，问题就出来了。

Little by little, a problem began to appear.

不是事工突然不好了。

The ministry itself did not suddenly become bad.

而是我的心开始变了。

But my heart began to change.

三，开始跌倒：当“需要支持”慢慢变成“你们应该支持我”

3. I Began to Fall: When “I Need Support” Slowly Became “You Should Support Me”

几个月前，我开始这样想：

A few months ago, I began to think like this:

这些年服务过的肢体，仅仅主要几个微信、QQ上面的好友，加起来都已经几万人了。

Over the years, the brothers and sisters connected with me through some main WeChat and QQ accounts already numbered in the tens of thousands.

真正通过网站、书库和资源库使用这些资料的人，其实更多。

The number of people who used these resources through the websites and digital libraries was probably much larger.

如果大家稍微支持一点呢？

What if everyone gave a little support?

哪怕平均下来，一个人只给几分钱，我是不是就可以少跑一点外卖，少做一点其他工作，更专心做这份网络事工？

Even if each person gave only a few cents, maybe I could do less delivery work and spend more time on this online ministry.

这个想法本身，其实未必有错。

This idea itself was not necessarily wrong.

圣经并没有说，服事主的人绝对不能接受弟兄姊妹的供应。

The Bible does not say that people who serve the Lord can never receive support from brothers and sisters.

保罗说：

Paul said:

“主也是这样命定，叫传福音的靠着福音养生。”

“In the same way, the Lord has commanded that those who preach the gospel should receive their living from the gospel.”

——哥林多前书 9:14

— 1 Corinthians 9:14

保罗也接受过腓立比教会对他的供应。

Paul also received support from the church in Philippi.

所以，接受奉献不是罪，说明自己的需要也不一定是罪。

So, receiving support is not a sin, and explaining our needs is not always a sin either.

问题不一定出在收款二维码上。

The problem may not be the payment QR code itself.

问题可能出在二维码后面的那颗心。

The problem may be the heart behind the QR code.

后来，我开始尝试。

Later, I began to try this.

几十个网站，各个书库、资源库、朋友圈、QQ空间，甚至一些电子书里面，都加上了爱心奉献的信息。

I added support information to many websites, digital libraries, resource websites, WeChat Moments, QQ Space, and even some e-books.

说明我的想法、现状和需要。

I explained my thoughts, my situation, and my needs.

也放上微信和支付宝收款二维码。

I also added WeChat Pay and Alipay QR codes.

然后呢？

And then what happened?

比如刚刚去看最近三四个月。

For example, I just checked the past three or four months.

每个月收到的款项，接近于零。

The amount received each month was almost zero.

这时候，我里面另外一个东西慢慢出来了。

At that time, something else slowly began to grow in my heart.

我开始不再只是说：

I was no longer only saying:

“主啊，如果你愿意，可以借着弟兄姊妹供应这份事工。”

“Lord, if You are willing, You may provide for this ministry through brothers and sisters.”

而是慢慢变成：

Instead, it slowly became:

“我服务了这么多人，为什么没有人帮助我？”

“I have served so many people. Why does no one help me?”

这两个念头看起来很像。

These two thoughts may look similar.

其实完全不同。

But they are very different.

前一个是在向神仰望。

The first one looks to God.

后一个已经开始向人讨债。

The second one begins to treat people as if they owe me something.

四，内心的苦毒：我为你们做了这么多，你们呢？

4. Bitterness in My Heart: I Have Done So Much for You, But What About You?

服务几万人。

I served tens of thousands of people.

实际受众可能更多。

The real audience may have been even larger.

然后低头看看手上：

Then I looked down at what I had:

几个动不动就卡死的旧手机。

Several old phones that often froze.

一百多元买来的破电脑。

A very old computer bought for a little more than one hundred yuan.

很多时候，我里面真的会冒出一句话：

Many times, one question really came into my heart:

这是为了什么？

What is all this for?

我这是何苦呢？

Why am I making life so hard for myself?

三年了。

It has been three years.

常常在给别人送外卖，却几乎没有花钱给自己点过外卖。

I often delivered food to other people, but I almost never paid to order food for myself.

也没花钱出去吃饭、玩。

I also not spent money eating out or having fun.

很多时间都放进了这些网站、书库、资料和回复信息里面。

A lot of my time went into websites, digital libraries, resources, and replying to messages.

然后那个声音就会越来越大：

Then that voice became louder and louder:

“我为这么多人做了这么多，为什么没有人管我？”

“I have done so much for so many people. Why does no one care about me?”

这时候，我才慢慢意识到：

Then I slowly realized:

问题已经不只是累了。

The problem was no longer only tiredness.

里面已经开始有苦毒了。

Bitterness had started to grow inside me.

圣经说：

The Bible says:

“又要谨慎，恐怕有人失了神的恩；恐怕有毒根生出来扰乱你们，因此叫众人沾染污秽。”

“See to it that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and make many people unclean.”

——希伯来书 12:15

— Hebrews 12:15

苦毒很可怕的地方就在这里。

This is what makes bitterness so dangerous.

一开始，它常常很有道理。

At first, it often seems reasonable.

我确实付出了。

I really did give a lot.

我确实很累。

I really was tired.

设备确实很差。

The equipment really was poor.

经济压力也确实是真的。

The financial pressure was also real.

这些都不是假的。

None of these things were false.

但是，真实的委屈，并不会自动让苦毒变成义。

But real pain does not make bitterness righteous.

当我开始在心里建立一本账：

When I started keeping a record in my heart:

我帮助了多少人。

How many people I helped.

发了多少本书。

How many books I shared.

建了多少网站。

How many websites I built.

花了多少时间。

How much time I spent.

别人又给了我多少。

And how much other people gave back to me.

当这本账越来越清楚的时候，我其实已经越来越危险了。

When this account became clearer and clearer in my heart, I was actually becoming more and more spiritually dangerous.

因为服事主，本来不是人与人之间的一笔交易。

Because serving the Lord is not a business deal between people.

保罗说：

Paul said:

“使你与人不同的是谁呢？你有什么不是领受的呢？若是领受的，为何自夸，仿佛不是领受的呢？”

“What do you have that you did not receive? And if you received it, why do you act as if you did not receive it?”

——哥林多前书 4:7

— 1 Corinthians 4:7

连我能服事，都是领受的。

Even the ability to serve is something I received.

我有时间，是主给的。

The time I have is from the Lord.

我会电脑，是主给的。

My computer skills are from the Lord.

我能找到这些资源，是主给的。

My ability to find these resources is from the Lord.

我今天还能坐在这里继续做，也是主给的。

The fact that I can still sit here and continue today is also from the Lord.

这样想的时候，“他们欠我”的那个念头，就开始站不住了。

When I think this way, the thought “they owe me” can no longer stand.

五，马大与马利亚：事工也可能成为偶像

5. Martha and Mary: Ministry Can Also Become an Idol

以前想到这件事，我会想到马大和马利亚。

When I thought about this before, I often thought about Martha and Mary.

这段经文是合适的。

This passage is useful here.

但现在觉得，它主要提醒我的，不是“不要做事工”。

But now I think its main lesson is not, “Do not do ministry.”

而是：

It is this:

不要忙着服事主，最后却忙到失去了主自己。

Do not become so busy serving the Lord that you lose your fellowship with the Lord Himself.

圣经说：

The Bible says:

“马大伺候的事多，心里忙乱，就进前来说：‘主啊，我的妹子留下我一个人伺候，你不在意吗？请吩咐她来帮助我。’”

“Martha was busy with much serving. She came to Jesus and said, ‘Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her to help me.’”

“耶稣回答说：‘马大！马大！你为许多的事思虑烦扰；但是不可少的只有一件；马利亚已经选择那上好的福分，是不能夺去的。’”

“Jesus answered, ‘Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed. Mary has chosen the better part, and it will not be taken away from her.’”

——路加福音 10:40–42

— Luke 10:40–42

马大做的事情坏吗？

Was Martha doing something bad?

不是。

No.

她是在服事耶稣。

She was serving Jesus.

问题恰恰就在这里。

And that is exactly why this warning is important.

一件很好的事情，也可能把人的心带离神。

Even a good thing can slowly pull our heart away from God.

事工也是这样。

Ministry can be like this too.

传福音是好的。

Sharing the gospel is good.

建立属灵网站是好的。

Building Christian websites is good.

帮助弟兄姊妹找书是好的。

Helping brothers and sisters find books is good.

做短视频是好的。

Making short videos can be good.

每天回复很多问题也可以是好的。

Answering many questions every day can also be good.

但是，当我为了这些事情，长期没有正常睡眠；

But if I lose normal sleep for a long time because of these things;

当我没有时间安静读神的话；

If I have no quiet time to read God’s Word;

当我没有时间好好陪伴妻子、孩子；

If I have no time to care for my wife and children well;

当我一边服事，一边越来越愤怒；

If I keep serving but become more and more angry;

当我开始觉得别人欠我的；

If I start to feel that other people owe me;

那么我必须问：

Then I must ask:

我到底是在服事主，还是已经开始服事“我的事工”？

Am I serving the Lord, or am I beginning to serve “my ministry”?

事工可以成为偶像。

Ministry can become an idol.

甚至“牺牲自己”本身，也可能成为一种偶像。

Even “sacrificing myself” can become a kind of idol.

因为我会慢慢觉得：

Because I may slowly begin to think:

你看，我付出了这么多。

Look how much I have given.

你看，我比别人辛苦。

Look how much harder I work than others.

你看，我为主做了这么多。

Look how much I have done for the Lord.

然后，十字架不知不觉就变成了我的功劳簿。

Then, without noticing it, the cross can become a record of my own achievements.

六，放弃 or 坚持？可能真正应该放弃的，是原来的做法

6. Give Up or Keep Going? Maybe What I Need to Give Up Is the Old Way of Doing Things

所以，问题现在不是简单的：

So now, the question is not simply:

继续，还是放弃？

Keep going, or give up?

如果“坚持”的意思是：

If “keeping going” means:

继续每天睡四五个小时；

Keep sleeping only four or five hours every day;

继续几十个网站、上百个账号全部自己撑；

Keep trying to manage dozens of websites and more than one hundred accounts by myself;

继续所有人发来的问题都觉得自己必须回答；

Keep feeling that I must answer every message from everyone;

继续一边跑外卖，一边维持所有事情；

Keep doing delivery work while trying to keep everything running;

最后身体越来越累，脾气越来越大，心里面越来越苦；

And finally become more tired, more angry, and more bitter;

那么，这种“坚持”，未必就是忠心。

Then this kind of “keeping going” may not be faithfulness.

诗篇说：

The Psalms say:

“你们清晨早起，夜晚安歇，吃劳碌得来的饭，本是枉然；惟有耶和华所亲爱的，必叫他安然睡觉。”

“It is useless to rise early and stay up late, working hard for food, because He gives sleep to those He loves.”

——诗篇 127:2

— Psalm 127:2

甚至主耶稣自己，看见门徒忙到“连吃饭也没有工夫”，也对他们说：

Even Jesus saw that His disciples were so busy that they did not even have time to eat, and He said to them:

“你们来，同我暗暗地到旷野地方去歇一歇。”

“Come with Me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”

——马可福音 6:31

— Mark 6:31

所以我现在越来越觉得：

So now I am beginning to understand more clearly:

休息，不一定是懒惰。

Rest is not always laziness.

减少事工，不一定是退后。

Doing less ministry does not always mean going backward.

关掉一些网站，不一定是不忠心。

Closing some websites does not always mean being unfaithful.

少回复一些信息，也不一定是不爱弟兄姊妹。

Replying to fewer messages does not always mean that I do not love brothers and sisters.

因为我不是救主。

Because I am not the Savior.

世界离开我，照样转。

The world will keep going without me.

那些弟兄姊妹真正需要的也不是我，而是基督。

What those brothers and sisters truly need is not me, but Christ.

如果一份事工只有靠一个人每天睡四五个小时才能维持，那么我应该问的，不只是：

If a ministry can continue only because one person sleeps four or five hours a day, then I should ask more than:

“我要不要再坚持一下？”

“Should I just keep going a little longer?”

也应该问：

I should also ask:

“这真的是主要求我这样做的吗？”

“Is this really what the Lord is asking me to do?”

可能应该放弃的，不是事工。

Maybe the ministry itself is not what I need to give up.

而是那种认为：

Maybe I need to give up the idea that:

所有事情都必须由我做，所有平台都必须保留，所有信息都必须回答，所有资源都必须不断增加。

I must do everything, keep every platform, answer every message, and keep adding more and more resources.

主从来没有把整个教会交给我。

The Lord never gave the whole church to me.

也没有把互联网交给我。

He did not give the whole internet to me either.

他只要求我忠心做好他今天真正交给我的事情。

He only asks me to be faithful with what He has truly given me today.

家庭，是他交给我的。

My family is something He has given me.

妻子，是他交给我的。

My wife is someone He has given me.

孩子，是他交给我的。

My children are people He has given me.

地方教会，是他赐给我的。

My local church is also His gift.

每天的工作，也是他的护理。

My daily work is also part of His providence.

身体和睡眠，也不是与属灵生活无关的东西。

My body and my sleep are not separate from spiritual life.

所以，也许真正需要的不是“彻底放弃”。

So maybe I do not need to “give everything up.”

而是：

Maybe I need to:

砍掉一些。

Cut some things.

慢下来一点。

Slow down a little.

先把次序重新排好。

Put things back in the right order.

继续传福音。

Keep sharing the gospel.

继续书库。

Keep some of the digital libraries.

继续网站。

Keep some websites.

继续帮助人。

Keep helping people.

但是不要再把自己当成救世主。

But stop acting as if I am the savior.

七，主给的赏赐，其实已经很大

7. The Lord Has Already Given Me Many Great Gifts

另外一件我需要悔改的事情，就是：

There is another thing I need to repent of:

当我只盯着微信收款记录的时候，我会觉得自己什么都没有得到。

When I only look at the WeChat payment record, I may feel that I received nothing.

但是如果把眼睛抬起来看一看，

But if I lift my eyes and look around,

其实主已经给了很多。

The Lord has already given me many things.

我们一家来到这里以后，一直有很多保守。

Since our family came here, the Lord has protected us in many ways.

到这边第三天，就找到了全家每周可以一起敬拜的教会。

On the third day after we arrived, we found a church where our whole family could worship every week.

全家可以参加团契。

Our whole family could also join fellowship.

八九个月以后，又来到现在的教会。

Eight or nine months later, we came to our present church.

每周能够敬拜，能够学习三联合信条、信经，也不断接受改革宗信仰上的装备。

Every week, we can worship, study the Three Forms of Unity and historic creeds, and continue learning Reformed theology.

我们一家人，现在基本上可以常常一起读经。

Our family can now read the Bible together regularly.

每周五，还可以在自己家里有团契。

Every Friday, we can also have fellowship in our home.

大家一起吃饭、读经、分享、祷告。

We eat together, read the Bible, share, and pray.

其中很多饭菜和预备的事情，都是两个孩子在做。

The two children also help with much of the food and preparation.

这些值多少钱？

How much are these things worth?

没办法算。

They cannot be measured by money.

还有我们在外面开车。

There is also the matter of driving.

我开车本来就不算好。

I am not a very good driver.

我老婆学开车，很多东西还是我教的，然后她自己去考驾照。

When my wife learned to drive, I taught her many things, and then she went to take the driving test herself.

现在她常常跑外卖，我有时间也跑。

Now she often does food delivery, and I do it when I have time.

这些年能够一路平安地走到现在，

The fact that we have been kept safe until now,

难道不是主的恩典吗？

is this not also the grace of the Lord?

如果我只看银行卡，我会说：

If I only look at the bank account, I may say:

“主啊，我做了这么多，为什么不给我？”

“Lord, I have done so much. Why have You not given me more?”

但是如果我回头看看，

But if I look back,

也许更应该问：

maybe I should ask instead:

“主啊，你已经给了我这么多，我为什么一直没有看见？”

“Lord, You have already given me so much. Why did I not see it?”

我想起保罗的话：

I think of Paul’s words:

“无论做什么，都要从心里做，像是给主做的，不是给人做的；因你们知道从主那里必得着基业为赏赐；你们所事奉的乃是主基督。”

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for people. You know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

——歌罗西书 3:23–24

— Colossians 3:23–24

这里很重要：

This is very important:

我所事奉的，乃是主基督。

The One I serve is the Lord Christ.

不是网站访客。

Not website visitors.

不是微信好友。

Not WeChat friends.

不是那些下载过书的人。

Not the people who downloaded books.

甚至也不是那些我曾经帮助过的弟兄姊妹。

Not even the brothers and sisters I have helped.

他们感谢我，我感谢主。

If they thank me, I thank the Lord.

他们忘记我，我仍然服事主。

If they forget me, I still serve the Lord.

他们支持我，我感谢主。

If they support me, I thank the Lord.

他们没有支持我，我也不能因此恨他们。

If they do not support me, I still cannot hate them because of it.

因为最后给赏赐的，不是他们，而是主。

Because in the end, they are not the One who gives the final reward，but the Lord.

总结：事工没有错，但事工的人也需要常常悔改

Conclusion: Ministry Is Not Wrong, But People in Ministry Also Need to Repent Often

写这些，不是因为我已经想通了。

I am not writing this because I have fully understood everything.

恰恰是因为，我发现自己正在这个地方挣扎。

I am writing this because I see that I am struggling in this area.

可能很多做事工的人，也会走到类似的位置。

Many people in ministry may come to a similar place.

一开始是热心。

At first, there is zeal.

后来是责任。

Then it becomes responsibility.

再后来是疲惫。

Then comes tiredness.

再后来，我们会开始想：

Then we may begin to think:

为什么只有我在做？

Why am I the only one doing this?

为什么没有人帮助我？

Why does no one help me?

为什么他们只知道拿，却没有人给？

Why do they only receive, but never give?

再往前走一点，

If we keep going in this direction,

就可能变成苦毒。

it may become bitterness.

所以，现在对我来说，真正的问题已经不是：

So for me now, the real question is no longer:

“这份事工要不要继续？”

“Should I continue this ministry?”

而是：

The real question is:

“我的心还能不能在主面前继续？”

“Can my heart continue rightly before the Lord?”

如果需要砍掉一些东西，就砍掉。

If I need to cut some things, then cut them.

如果需要休息，就休息。

If I need rest, then rest.

如果需要出去工作，就出去工作。

If I need to work for income, then work.

如果主借着弟兄姊妹供应，就感谢主。

If the Lord provides through brothers and sisters, thank the Lord.

如果没有，也不要因此认定别人亏欠我。

If He does not, I should not think that others owe me.

但是，只要主还给机会，

But as long as the Lord still gives me opportunities,

能传一点福音，就传一点。

If I can share a little gospel, then share it.

能帮助一个人，就帮助一个人。

If I can help one person, then help one person.

能整理一本真正有帮助的书，就整理一本。

If I can organize one truly helpful book, then organize one book.

不要再天天计算数字。

Do not keep counting numbers every day.

几十万本书也好。

Hundreds of thousands of books.

几万人也好。

Tens of thousands of people.

几十个网站也好。

Dozens of websites.

在神面前，这些数字本身什么都证明不了。

Before God, these numbers prove nothing by themselves.

圣经真正给我们的命令是：

The Bible truly commands us:

“我们行善，不可丧志；若不灰心，到了时候就要收成。”

“Let us not become tired of doing good, for at the right time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

——加拉太书 6:9

— Galatians 6:9

同时又说：

It also says:

“所以，我亲爱的弟兄们，你们务要坚固，不可摇动，常常竭力多做主工；因为知道，你们的劳苦，在主里面不是徒然的。”

“Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not useless.”

——哥林多前书 15:58

— 1 Corinthians 15:58

注意：

Notice this:

不是说我的每一种做法都不是徒然的。

It does not say that every method I use is never useless.

而是说：

It says:

“在主里面”的劳苦，不是徒然的。

Labor “in the Lord” is not useless.

这几个字，对我很重要。

These words are very important to me.

不是靠苦撑。

Not by forcing myself to keep going.

不是靠不睡觉。

Not by giving up sleep.

不是靠别人感动。

Not by waiting for other people to be moved.

不是靠浏览量。

Not by website views.

不是靠奉献记录。

Not by donation records.

而是重新回到主面前。

It means coming back before the Lord again.

如果主说继续，就继续。

If the Lord wants me to continue, then continue.

如果主借着环境告诉我应该减下来，就减下来。

If the Lord uses circumstances to show me that I should do less, then do less.

如果该悔改，就悔改。

If I need to repent, then repent.

如果该休息，就休息。

If I need to rest, then rest.

如果该工作养家，就工作养家。

If I need to work and support my family, then work and support my family.

然后，在剩下的时间和力量里，

Then, with the time and strength that remain,

继续做主真正交给我的事情。

continue doing what the Lord has truly given me to do.

可能最后真正需要放弃的，

Maybe what I truly need to give up in the end

不是这份事工。

is not the ministry itself.

而是我的骄傲。

It may be my pride.

我的自义。

My self-righteousness.

我的苦毒。

My bitterness.

还有那个隐藏得很深的念头：

And the deeply hidden thought:

“我为主做了这么多，所以主和别人应该给我一些什么。”

“I have done so much for the Lord, so the Lord and other people should give me something.”

不是的。

No.

我原来就是一个蒙恩的人。

I am simply a person who has received grace.

今天还能信主，是恩典。

The fact that I can believe in the Lord today is grace.

还能服事，是恩典。

The fact that I can still serve is grace.

还有家庭，是恩典。

Having a family is grace.

还有教会，是恩典。

Having a church is grace.

还有饭吃，有地方住，还能工作，都是恩典。

Having food, a place to live, and the ability to work are all grace.

至于最后赏赐多少，

As for how much reward there will be in the end,

那是主的事。

that belongs to the Lord.

我的事，

My responsibility

是在他今天给我的位置上，

is to stand in the place He has given me today

忠心一点。

and be faithful.

再忠心一点。

And be a little more faithful.

但是，不要再把自己累到恨人。

But I must not work myself so hard that I begin to hate people.

因为如果最后网站还在，

Because if, in the end, the websites are still there,

书库还在，

the digital libraries are still there,

福音资料还在，

and the gospel resources are still there,

而我里面却长满了苦毒，

but my heart is full of bitterness,

那就真的得不偿失了。

then I have truly lost something far more important.

10月14日补记: 也准备花一些时间，在个人社交平台上，记录自己的生活，也会每周录制一点视频。

只要流量高些的，就会被封号，这是常态。 我也准备了以下这些温和的帐号，希望尽量存活久一点。

当然，仍不会去迎合世俗价值观。 

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